- The Stone Roses and Turns Into Stone for at least the fifteenth time, as if there isn’t a single person in the world who doesn’t already own both of them eighteen million times over
- Blackpool Live for at least the fifteenth time, as if there is a single person in the world who ever wanted to willingly own it in the first place
- lyric booklet with lots of extraneous commas
- exclusive John Squire art print of something
- USB memory stick containing rare photos (like that one of them all crouching on a rooftop), rare videos (only ever previously available on the five hundred different Stone Roses videos and DVDs), rare screensavers, rare wallpapers, and a rare documentary featuring two hours’ worth of Noel Gallagher saying absolutely nothing worth saying about the band and their music and some ‘Madchester veteran’ music journalist you’ve never bloody heard of, but absolutely no contributions whatsoever from the band themselves
- £50 to buy the 2-Disc version of The Complete Stone Roses, featuring a disc of genuine album outtakes that have been inexplicably omitted from this box set, fromsome greedy fucker on Amazon Marketplace
- Why The Roses Were Top, Man! – an exclusive memoir by That Fat Bloke Doing An Air-Punching Dance To Waterfall That Every Indie Disco In The World Has
- Somewhere Soon by The High
- Sarah & Hoppity episode guide
- free ‘Space Spinner’
- two photos of Charlie Brooker (NYEH-HEHHHH!)
- full colour poster of Gonch, Robbie and ‘Trew’
- the baffled disdain of anyone who bought the album 1989 after being told by two major high street stores that “we don’t always stock all of the independent albums” and loved it and played it until the tape literally fell apart and they had to buy another eighteen months later and who fell in love with the excitement of this arty, intelligent band (where’s all this nonsense about them being ‘lads’ come from?) threatening to smash into the upper echelons of chart stardom and dethrone the mainstream megastars and ultimately failing but spectactularly so and in any case they paved the way for Britpop to make that a reality five years later and who can’t help but feel ever so slightly cheated by the ‘Classic Rock Radio’ fodder and mediocre student t-shirt industry they’ve since become courtesy of people who weren’t even born in 1989 but have still come up with this make believe scenario in which everything changed forever when the entire world went Stone Roses crazy as opposed to just a few of the hipper types in school and some students you knew while everyone else was too busy listening to The Chimes and saying “these bands you like, how come I’ve never heard of them in the charts?” because it wasn’t all Madchester in 1989 you know there was The Sundays and The Heartthrobs and the collapse of the Eastern Bloc and Emma Thompson’s awful sketch show these youngsters today they don’t know they’re born and I’ll tell you what I bet they never felt Alison Lee’s arse either etc etc…
I love you.
Three quid.
…No “Second Coming”, then?