Yes, It’s Out On Blue Six Quiz Time! Or, judging from the response to previous excursions into the interactivity-heavy question-and-answer format, more like Out On Blue Six Quiz Couple-Of-Days-Until-It-Becomes-Painfully-Obvious-That-Nobody’s-Actually-Really-That-Interested. And it’s probably as impenetrable as Cabbages & Kings, as pointless as Vintage Quiz, and as likely to get booted into a less prominent timeslot mid-run as A Question Of Entertainment. Still, it’s all formatted and ready to run, so you’re getting a quiz whether you like it or not.
So what’s this quiz all about then? Well, it’s inspired by the recent ratings-topping The TV That Time Forgot shenanigans on these very pages, and below you’ll find a list of the names of thirty-five TV shows that are certainly well-remembered here at Out On Blue Six Towers, but have seemingly been entirely forgotten by just about everyone else in the known universe. And yes, that does include aliens who might have picked up those stray transmission signals archive TV fans tie themselves up in paraphysical knots over. Your mission is to try and figure out just what the shows behind the titles might have actually involved… but there’s a catch. One of the shows is entirely fictitious and never existed anywhere outside this post. But which one?
Post your best ‘guesstimates’ in the Comments box, or on Twitter, and the entrant who makes the greatest number of accurate guesses will be declared Out On Blue Six TV That Time Forgot Quiz Champion Of Champions 2012! Though please don’t just go looking them up in dusty archive files at the BFI and then post huge great lists of cast and crew and transmission dates; that just spoils it for everyone. This isn’t Dancing On Robin Carmody Ice, you know.
…and with that, let the TV Not-Remembering commence! Those widely-forgotten shows in full:
How Do You Do!
Four On The Floor
The Top Hat Rabbits
Sticks And Stones
Skip & Fuffy
Hands
The Outsiders
Play It Safe!
Juice
King Greenfingers
Under The Same Sky
S.P.L.A.T.
Over The Moon
The Fire Raiser!
Never Kiss Frogs
Falcon Island
Billy’s Christmas Angels
The Prom
Here’s Stilgoe
Sex!
The Gublins
Knock Knock [Special Bonus Round - there are actually TWO shows with this name!]
Children Of Totem Town
Ring-A-Ding
States Of Mind
Thomas
Xerxes
The Secret Of Steel City
Hey, It’s My Birthday Too!
The Flying Kiwi
The Amazing Years Of Cinema
Primetime
Ticket To Ride
S.W.A.L.K.
Watch This Space
I will guess… Children Of Totem Town. Haven’t even stuck it in Google soo could be an embarrasing one.
Er… I didn’t read the instructions, as you might have noticed. So that’s my guess for the made up one. I’ll try to hit the other ones when I’m not on my phone.
How Do You Do!
Prequel to “Fine Thanks, And Yourself?” (SOUTHERN)
Four On The Floor
“Documentary about The Beatles. When they were on the floor.”
The Top Hat Rabbits
“The Top hat said “gay” on it. I know that much.”
Sticks And Stones
“The first episode of The Gravel Story”
Skip & Fuffy
“Gay interest”
Hands
“Thames TV’s 26 part documentary on the real story behind hands and their affect on the world today”
The Outsiders
“Series performed entirely through the living room window. Viewer response included “Pardon?” and “You’ll have to speak up dear, I’m unable to hear you”…”
Play It Safe!
“Johnny Ball puts a condom on a banana and then The Banana Splits were all on drugs. My friend saw it. Honest.”
Juice
“Thames TV’s 26 part documentary on the real story behind juice and its affect on the world today”
King Greenfingers
“Renamed as Eastenders after complaints”
Under The Same Sky
“The Spandau Ballet Story. About when they were under the same sky. Except for when they weren’t.”
S.P.L.A.T.
“Alternate title: First AIDS”
Over The Moon
“Danny Kelly has sex with the moon, whilst you watch.”
The Fire Raiser!
“Keith Flint and Drew Barrymore in a wacky head to head battle in which…too obvious? Oh, ok. Sorry.”
Never Kiss Frogs
“Well, obviously. That’s just…obvious.”
Falcon Island
“Pilot for Treasure Hunt presented entirely by hawks”
Billy’s Christmas Angels
“A bit like the smashing rape bits in This Is England. But for 6 weeks.”
The Prom
“American remake of Them Grange Hill Episodes Set At The Christmas Disco”
Here’s Stilgoe
“Thames TV’s 26 part documentary on the real story behind Richard Stilgoe and its affect on the world today”
Sex!
“Irish title: Here’s Mike Murphy”
The Gublins
“Wasnt this the one with…oh wait, no. That was Judge john Deed. Never mind.”
Knock Knock [Special Bonus Round - there are actually TWO shows with this name!]
“First OFAH spin-off, second OFAH spin-off (both banned for erotic content)”
Children Of Totem Town
“No.”
Ring-A-Ding
“In which people could call in live and speak to a ding late night on Channel 4. With Laurie Pike.”
States Of Mind
“Misspelling of ‘States Of Milk’”
Thomas
“The short-lived Thomas the Tank Engine chat show cancelled when he accidentally killed the Nolan Sisters with his carriage”
Xerxes
“This exists because you always mention it. Hope this helps.”
The Secret Of Steel City
“Sheffield is gay. IDST”
Hey, It’s My Birthday Too!
“GAY ———–>”
The Flying Kiwi
“Screen One drama about ghosts”
The Amazing Years Of Cinema
“The true tales of Morons From Outer Space, The Boys In Blue, Clockwise and Phil Cool Goes To Washington”
Primetime
“Mondays, 3:17am”
Ticket To Ride
“The true story of the boys at St Lennons-Up-The-Imagine and their attempt to form the biggest train seat cover manufacturers concern in the Westcliff-On-Sea region. No music.”
S.W.A.L.K.
“Alternate title: First AIDS”
Watch This Space
“Channel 4 series where they let amateurs write and present..oh wait no, thats the real one. IT WAS ABOUT SPACE. LIVE STREAM ON E4+2″
How Do You Do! – No, sorry. Though I remember Who Do You Do? Sadly.
Four on the Floor – No idea.
The Top Hat Rabbits – Inpenetrable state-sponsored Eastern Bloc animation purchased by the BBC and revoiced by Rodney “so very unfair” Bewes.
Sticks And Stones – Is it Scottish? A bit like Maggie, I seem to remember. Never watched it.
Skip & Fuffy – No idea.
Hands – Now you’re just taking the p**s. Hands?
The Outsiders – Low budget John Pilger interview programme from the days when Channel 4 programmes could be commissioned with a budget of £169.25. Wasn’t it recorded in Pilger’s house? Or am I thinking of Father’s Day?
Play It Safe! – Early sunday-evening guide to health and safety. Usually on after the Sunday Classic Serial. Like an epic-length public information film
Juice – Is it that food programme Dawn French used to do? No, sorry, haven’t a clue.
King Greenfingers – Derek Griffiths voiceover fun from the early 90s, when all BBC kid-slot animations were underwhelming, like Bobby Ball’s quasi-Christian rubbish Juniper Jungle (he wrote it and narr, or the adventures-on-a-barge fun that we got in Joshua Jones (now best remembered for Barbara Flynn doing a ‘comedy’ Asian voice).
Under The Same Sky – Summer filler. This is another dubbed thing, isn’t? How many of these are going to turn out to be Eurovision rip offs
S.P.L.A.T. – This is true, as I remember seeing it in the schedules. 1980s, I think, but I never watched it.
Over The Moon – One of the BIG programmes when Watch With Mother was renamed See-Saw. About a bloke in an observatory, called Sam, who sung sometimes. Tedious in the extreme, at least to this eight-year old.
The Fire Raiser! – Yet another import. Is it Australian?
Never Kiss Frogs – Sophie Aldred telling stories? Is that right?
Falcon Island – More Australian stuff. Children’s adventure series, with lots and lots of outdoors going on, like they have in Australia.
Billy’s Christmas Angels – A on-off Christmas children’s thing, which I never watched. In the same vein as Earthstars, or the Light Princess. They used to do that every year, and with Lost Christmas this year, one may say that they still do. I’d have to look on Google to tell you what it was about but I remember the title. 1988, I think.
The Prom – No idea. It sounds American, but surely you’re not letting US programmes in this list? There’s hundreds of those that we’ve all forgotten.
Here’s Stilgoe – I remember a Richard Stilgoe Programme, but not this chummily-informal title, and I like ‘The Stilgoe’. I think this one is the one that is complete and utter fabrication.
Sex! – No idea, but it simply HAS to be from Channel 4, doesn’t it? Anything like Sex Now, perhaps?
The Gublins – Puppet kids animation shown on Saturday morning telly in the 1970s. It’s not Postgate/Firman. Is it Bura/Hardwick?
Knock Knock [Special Bonus Round - there are actually TWO shows with this name!] – One of them has Sophie Aldred in it (again).
Children Of Totem Town – No f***ing idea.
Ring-A-Ding – Ditto.
States Of Mind – This isn’t a series, it’s a season! BBC2 in 1995 put on a month of stuff about mental illness. There was a drama where Andrew Lancel was a bit mad and Anita Dobson was his mum; there were repeats of a series three Reginald Perrin, and that episode of Colditz where Michael Bryant pretends to go nuts in the head; there was a docudrama called The Asylum War, which I still have on VHS somewhere, and lots of documentaries about ‘Funny Farms’ and ‘Care in the Community’
Thomas – Is it about a cat?
Xerxes – A Handel opera televised from the ENO. Or a Scandorwegian import thing about teenagers. More dubbing, more Channel 4. A pattern’s beginning to build. Where the heel is Black Forest Clinic in this list?
The Secret Of Steel City – No, no, no. Getting bored now.
Hey, It’s My Birthday Too! – Gotta be an ITV regional filler, hasn’t it?
The Flying Kiwi – No idea, yet again
The Amazing Years Of Cinema – No idea.
Primetime – Magazine thingy with David Jacobs aimed at the ‘mature’ viewer. So big in 1989 that it made the front cover of the Radio Times (yes, really). In the grand tradition of The 60-70-80 Show (with Roy Hudd), and Years Ahead (with Robert Dougall)
Ticket To Ride – A sort of elaborate home movie where Swap Shop presenters were filmed on their annual holiday. About as interesting as Hey Look, That’s Me.
S.W.A.L.K. – Teenage drama, used to appear all the time in the listings for other ITV regions but never shown in mine (London). Paula Milne used to list on her CV of early writing credits.
Watch This Space – Liza Goddard and a lot of faceless men in advertising agency sit-com fun. On around the same time as Seconds Out, I recall.
That’ll teach me to proof read before hitting the ‘send’ button!
I meant to say that Billy’s Cristmas Angels was a ‘one-off’ programme, rather than an ‘on-off’ programme (though I’ve looked it up on Google since making my quiz entry, and maybe I was correct in the first place).
As for King Greenfingers? My entry seemed to lose a line, it should’ve read:
King Greenfingers – Derek Griffiths voiceover fun from the early 90s, when all BBC kid-slot animations were underwhelming, like Bobby Ball’s quasi-Christian rubbish Juniper Jungle (he wrote it and narrated it, God bless), or the adventures-on-a-barge fun that we got in Joshua Jones (now best remembered for Barbara Flynn doing a ‘comedy’ Asian voice).
Errata over: thanks.
And where, for that matter, is Ocar, Kina And The Laser? Answer that one and stay fashionable.
That should, of course, have read ‘Oskar, Kina and the Laser’. “Buenos noces, Kina”.